When I was feeling awful and had nothing in me to do anything due to my low hemoglobin after my recent miscarriage I actually watched a couple of seasons of 7th Heaven. I watched the last 2 seasons that I had never seen before and it brought me back!
One theme that kept coming up, and I probably kept noticing more because I benefited from hearing it, was the idea of choosing your emotions.
I don't think people would look down on me or judge me for being bitter, angry, sad, depressed, or any of the like after loosing the baby we were so excited to have.
I don't think it would be completely unjustified to be angry, bitter, sad or depressed when I started seeing others get to do the pregnancy announcements I had planned or when I heard about a couple of unplanned, unexpected pregnancies. I could of even uttered my classic childhood words, "It's not fair!", because it's not.
But, I choose to trust.
I choose to make the most of the life I have been given.
I choose to focus on the good and many blessings God has given me.
I choose to take each new day as it comes and not dwell on the past to the point of it paralyzing me or stopping me from enjoying what the future could hold.
I don't know if it's as much choosing your emotions as choosing your perspective, but I choose to be positive...as positive as I can!
I know that some were worried about the fact that soon after the miscarriage I had a trip planned for myself and Hannah to see my sister have her first baby.
Would that be too hard to see?
Would I loose it, watching my sister hold her new baby knowing that I just lost one that I will not get to hold until heaven?
But it wasn't that hard because I choose to focus instead on the good and the great!
It was wonderful! And I wouldn't exchange it for the world!
Karissa wanted a baby for so long, she will be and is already an amazing mother! It was such a joy to get to be there with her and share in that experience.
I love my niece so much!
I miss her already and can't wait to cuddle her again!
And yes I caught myself, watching my daughter hold and hug and kiss her cousin, dreaming of someday...
someday God willing that will be Hannah's little sister or brother she is holding and loving and what a joy that will be!
Until then I choose to make the most of what I have been given!