This month we got the medical clear that it would be safe to try to have another baby again.
Great news that all is okay with me.
Great news that the potential is there for us to get pregnant again and have another little one someday.
But also scary to think of the reality.
I'm not as much scared of getting pregnant. I'm actually more scared of finding out I'm pregnant and not being so confident going into that pregnancy.
Once you have lost a baby it changes how you think -at least it has for me.
I know that if I found out today I was pregnant I would be in utter fear for the next 8+ weeks until I heard that heartbeat and had a little more confidence the baby was doing okay.
The thing is that our emotions effects everything and I really don't want that fear to control me. So acknowledging it is the first step.
The second is the most important- surrendering that fear to God constantly.
I don't know what the future holds for us but deep down I really do believe that God has the best plan for our family and it will all make sense in His perfect timing, but sometimes in the day to day the fear of "what ifs" creep in and its an evil game to play.
So instead of the "what ifs" fear game I'm going to acknowledge my fear and try my hardest to surrender it and enjoy each moment I am given to the fullest!