Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pekoe returns!

3 weeks ago tomorrow our (indoor) cat went missing.



At first we were denial I think. I had just had the miscarriage and we did not want to think of another loss, so we just hoped he would be back soon.

But...

a day turned into another, and then another and another and a week turned into 2 and we started to realize the chance that we lost our cat forever could be very real!

However, tonight coming home from small group we drove up and opened our car doors to the sound of a familiar meow!

Could it really be our cat after so long (we of course again forgot to have our light on so we couldn't see him at first)?

It was! We still can't believe it!

The reunion! 

I don't know who is more excited! Ill have to post a video I snapped later showing Hannah and Pekoe together again at last!

He is so skinny, but so happy!

Oh the adventures he has been on! If only he could tell us it all!

Welcome home Pekoe! You shocked us all!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Travelling alone with a toddler

As mentioned earlier I got to travel home to see my sister have her baby! It was an amazing boxing week sale with the airline we just couldn't resist so the plans were formed for Hannah and I to travel alone while Matt stayed home to work hard!

I was a little apprehensive I guess, of what the travel day would hold, but knew it would be okay and knew to be as prepared as I could! Thankfully I was feeling myself again because if we had been booked to travel a week earlier there is NO WAY I could of done it!

Lessons learnt? 

- Always have snacks easily accessible
- Always have different activities easily accessible to entertain
- Do not book a flight right at a toddlers nap time, if she is anything like my active curious girl she will not sleep and overtired = end of the world if something doesn't go her way!
- It is better to have a lay over where you get off the plane than be stuck on a plane while you wait for them to clean and prepare for people boarding at stop over! (It just extends your time stuck in your seat and being able to get out and stretch has its advantages!)
- Have fun and make it an adventure! It doesn't have to be that scary
- And don't forget to ask your toddler to help you carry the bags!

I am so glad we made the trip. It has been more than worth it so far! I would much rather take a chance and shoot for the best than stop myself from doing fun things because of fear of what could be or the unknown!

Friday, March 23, 2012

A special kind of joy!

Today last night I got to meet my new little niece!

My sister had her first little girl. What a special gift for her to wait an extra 10 days over her due date so I could actually be there and meet little Elise just after she came into this world!

Introducing Elise Esther Robison
Isn't she beautiful? 
(and Nana looking proud?)

And how special it was to get to watch my little girl meet my sister's baby girl.

She loved her! 

I can't wait for the joys, the years to come will bring, in our family all together!

Thank you God for a safe delivery of a beautiful girl born into a wonderful family of amazing loving parents!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

low hemoglobin no longer!

You know I must admit that I never really thought through the physical impact a miscarriage can have on someone. I always thought of the emotional and tried to offer support to friends that have gone through it, but man it can be physically difficult!

What I have realized is that each woman deals with it differently and the time and situation also effects it greatly.

For me the worst part physically was low hemoglobin!

Low hemoglobin sucks!

The day after the miscarriage took place I actually woke up feeling pretty good physically, but I continued to loose a lot of blood that week and by the second blood test was done my doctor called as soon as she got the results very worried about me and needing to know the bleeding was almost stopped or I would of had to of gone into the hospital. My hemoglobin levels were drastically low.

And boy was I starting to feel it. I was very light headed, dizzy very easily and had absolutely NO energy.

It got worse before getting better.

And thing is, I learnt that its a lot harder for your body to go back to normal after something like this.

I also learnt that chocolate and caffeine are no nos when your hemoglobin/iron levels are low because they make you more dizzy and stop iron absorption.

Orange juice however helps your body absorb iron.

So we have had a couple of weeks of eating high iron meals (Matt has loved all the steak and roasts as a result), a couple of weeks where I would get Hannah dressed in the morning and have to lie down because I was done for the day before we even started and I used all my energy just to get by (and Hannah watched a lot of movies because I had no energy at all to give her to play sometimes)

but...

no longer!

The doctor said it would be a couple of weeks and she was right. This weekend I started to feel more like myself. I'm not 100%, but I'm close and boy am I loving it!

Hannah starring out at the lake after all the ducks had gone away,
 during our family trip to the park/lake! 
(Yes I know I am blessed to have such a cute daughter and live with this just down the street!)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

"Every Baby is a Blessing"

A favourite book of Hannah's since she was very little has been her beloved Baby's Bible (if you just pick it up you can tell how loved it has been since the book I thought could never be destroyed has seen better days!)

This is the cover and I love it! 

I would not say that before we took Hannah for granted. We knew what a blessing she is in our life  and love her to death. 

But with recently going through the loss of a little one I've realized so much more how great a blessing each life truly is! 

There are a lot of people out there who have lost a number of babies just desperately trying to have one. 

There are a lot of people out there who have been trying to have kids for months...even years! 

There are a lot of people out there that can't have a baby on their own. 

Each baby truly is a blessing!

I'm so glad Hannah loves to read her Bible and lets me have that visual reminder practically every day (and if so numerous times in that day!) 

I'm so glad Hannah is in our lives and we had the blessing to have her and hold her and watch her grow up! 

 

Not going to lie, the last couple of weeks Matt and I both admitted to hugging Hannah a little tighter and a little longer and kissing her more than before!

My challenge to you...

remember what a blessing your "baby" is in your life and give that "baby" a hug and let them know how grateful you are for them! 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Losing someone you have never met

It was a wonderful Saturday morning! I had had suspicions, but had waited to take the test until Matt returned from a business trip. As I suspected we were expecting our second child! The day soon turned into a wonderful family day full of joy and hope for what the future will bring. We went out for breakfast and celebrated.

It was wonderful.

We reflected on that most amazing day when Hannah was brought into our lives and joined our family.


We dreamed of what it would be like to welcome this new little one into our family and oh what a great big sister Hannah would be!

Unfortunately we had to say goodbye to our little one and these specific dreams this time this past week.

The other Sunday was a busy day but a good one. Matt had been the guest speaker at a local church here in Halifax for their Sunday night service and had done an amazing job. He was challenging people on the power of their story. In light of how this all unfolded I feel like I would be wrong not to share our experience.

It was funny, but leaving the church I actually had the thought "if I lost our baby it would be okay, God would help us through and it would be okay".

I had no reason to have that thought. But an hour or so after we arrived home I saw what I never hoped to see while pregnant. I had experienced a slight amount of spotting.

It was very very little, and I had no cramps and a doctor's appointment to go over everything the next day so I decided to wait.

At the doctor's, since there had been no more bleeding, and everything looked well so the doctor said to me over and over that it was likely nothing. Pregnant women have bleeding all the time and often times go on to have healthy babies. She was confident this would be my story. And yet just to be sure she would take my blood to check and schedule an early ultrasound (more for our peace of mind so since it was no an emergency one it would likely be awhile before we heard anything about that).

My blood work from Monday was positive. My HCG levels had risen exponentially as they should, so from as far as they could tell the baby and I were doing well. I also was feeling quite pregnant that week. I was feeling nauseous and certain parts of me were so tender it was a challenge to hold Hannah too close.

I think it was Thursday that we got the call that our ultrasound was booked for Friday. We were excited. I wrote in my journal that I was anxious a little knowing that there was always the potential still for something to be wrong but I was glad we had the appointment earlier than expected!

Soon after I wrote that I experienced more bleeding. My hopefulness that had been building that week started to fade. In my heart I had a feeling our ultrasound would be our answer we did not what to hear. But at least we only had to wait one day for a concrete answer of what was going on with our little baby we had grown to love.

That said, our for sure answer in our ultrasound, turned out to be inconclusive. However, during my doctors visit that afternoon she told me she suspected I was experiencing the start of a miscarriage.

Sure enough, soon after we returned home I knew the doctor was right.

That week was a roller coaster of emotions kind of week.

I am glad that I experienced the spotting that first Sunday. Although likely unrelated medically to the miscarriage, it gave us more time to process and work through the possibility of loosing our baby.

All along since we learned we were expecting again we prayed that God our protect our baby. In our minds that meant protecting it from complications and having a healthy baby soon to hold in our arms. I believe God answered our prayer, just not how we pictured it. Because I was almost 9 weeks along the baby likely had some physical problems and that is why the miscarriage. I believe that God knew the whole picture and believed it was best to protect our baby from a lifetime of suffering. That faith gives me peace.

Another fact that helps is reflecting on my family.

(left to right: myself, older sister Karissa, younger brother Nathan and sister Tara)

My mom had a couple of miscarriages between myself and my sister Tara. I know it was hard for them to go through, but now looking back I can't imagine our family any different! If my mom had not had those miscarriages Tara and Nathan would not be here. Reflecting on how awesome my family is and how God had the perfect plan for us, I rest in the faith that God has the perfect plan for our family to come as well! 

Does it still hurt? absolultely. 

Do we wish it didn't happen? of course. 

Will it be okay? without a doubt. 

God sees and knows things we don't see now. He is a good God and He cares for us. We rest in His love during this difficult time. Knowing that if we don't get to hold our baby, at least our little one is resting in even better hands! 

We are  so thankful for the friends and family that have supported us and prayed for us during this journey. 

It is a process and I know it is one we are still working through, but I'm glad we aren't alone. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

joy of brushing your teeth

Growing up I remember my mom putting on the timer to make sure we brushed our teeth long enough each time. I just got so bored of it and I know I wasn't the only child that didn't like brushing.

We have the opposite problem with Hannah.


Our little girl can't get enough of brushing her teeth. She sees her toothbrush (or mine now, she stole my tooth brush for some reason believing it was superior to hers so I've as a result given in and opened a new one) and immediately wants to brush her teeth.

Many nights we have to tear her toothbrush from her hands after an incredibly long time of brushing.

At least on Sundays I know I can happily set her up on the counter beside me with her toothbrush and while she brushes I can put in my contacts, do my make up and brush my own teeth!

We may have a little future dentist or dental hygienist on our hands!

I just hope this love for taking care of her teeth continues!